How making music has helped me through what was the worst time of my life.
Updated: Jan 27
The last few years have taught me a lot. I have been on quite a rollercoaster ride that threw a lot of negativity into my life. I suffered with stress and anxiety on a normal day, and could never seem to find happiness within myself. I attracted all the wrong people, people that did not want to see me happy, nor did they want me to succeed in my life. I got let down and bullied by these people, people who were supposed to be friends and work colleagues.
The one thing that came into my life 11 years ago that was good was my husband, Gary. We could be described as loves young dream, although a lot of people still couldn't be happy for us. For many years I used to joke about us being 'in sync' as we always think the same thing at the same time or one of us would say something and the other say, "I was just going to say that"! We used to have great times, always out partying or travelling together.
Like a lot of people, we muddled through life working hard for companies who do not value your worth, effort or commitment to their organisations. We just seemed to be like zombies in the end, getting up going to work, wishing we didn't have to be there, wishing the day away before it had even begun. Then something happened that tried to destroy the one thing in my life that was good. Gary got ill.
Gary started to get chest pains in Summer 2016 which went on for 2 years that was misdiagnosed as costochodritis. Just being given naproxen for the pain, but never any investigation. In May 2018 the pain went to Gary's back, this went on for another year and he was unable to work. Within that year, I had tried all sorts of therapies for Gary including physiotherapy, chiropractor, rolfing and he even saw an orthopaedic surgeon. None of these worked or helped, no one knew what was wrong with him and did not want to find out either. He then had some energy healing towards the end of 2018 which removed negative emotions, this went on for 6 months and gave him relief from the pain. We thought he was ok. Then in June 2019 Gary started to get the pain back again.
I took matters into my own hands in October 2019 when I decided to learn the energy healing process that had helped him previously. This enabled me to connect with Gary's subconscious to find out the problem areas in his body. I discovered a worm infection, not connecting it to his illness but just got him some tablets online to clear it up. In November, I noticed Gary was experiencing neurological symptoms and started researching if it could be connected to the worm infection. I discovered that a worm infection could cause Vitamin B12 Deficiency Anaemia.
After confirming this with Gary's subconscious, I frantically made an appointment in London with a private neurologist in December 2019. The neurologist referred Gary back to the NHS for several blood tests that should had been done way before this point. After further research and reconnecting with Gary's subconscious, I then discovered that what Gary actually had was pernicious Anaemia which is a type of B12 Deficiency Anaemia. His body had been starved of vitamin B12 as the worm infection had caused the small intestine to stop producing red blood cells that store the B12 vitamin.
I was living in a world of fear, fear that my husband was going to die and no one believed he had this illness, not doctors, friends or family. Our lives became an empty shell. All I had was my ability to help Gary spiritually and that was it.
My music helped me a lot as I was making music through all this and I was able to release some emotions in the lyrics that I wrote. Find the Cure, as pictured above, is about the sheer determination I had about finding a cure for Gary, but also about the despair we were both going through on our own. People don't realise how ill Gary actually was and how close to losing him we were. I was not going to let that happen. All my songs are related to what we or I have been through. You can find links to my other songs on my website.